REALIZATIONS

Realizations

Ok, so some of these realizations are ones I came to before this trip, but they are magnified by it. Here goes:

I am my father's daughter - odd. I never connected with this during my life; I guess because I hadn't had enough experience with my Dad. Over the years, we saw each other rarely (once or twice a year) until about 8 to 10 years ago when Erik and I moved to Austin. Now, I can recognize him in myself - I can recognize my grandmother in me, too.

I miss my friends; I miss my beautiful Austin. This is not unusual - I have a tendency to pine away for the far away. It took me years to find and develop a 'place' for myself and for years, I thought I was just "passing through" because I've never felt like I belonged in Texas and even after years of being in Austin, I didn't think I had made the kinds of connections - and I should specify, business connections - to keep me there forever. And there are many reasons for why I don't like the way things are done in Texas (this excludes Austin - it is truly an Oasis), specifically politics and business - it's polluted, it's brutal, it's corrupt and short-sighted (unless you're talkin' 'bout buildin' roads) - however, these are universal truths - they are everywhere. So, one must learn to accept and adapt to these universal truths as part of the overall picture or just stay pissed off and 'hate everyone the same' (as my step-father would say). The concept of universal truth is one I have unconsciously been pursuing my whole life and I had come to the conclusion as of late that there is no universal truth - but the above statement is, for better or worse, a universal truth. It is one I find difficult to accept. This move was to find a place that is more balanced in it's approach to life's structures and it is, but I didn't realize until now what a mental and emotional adjustment it would be.

Not to say that it's bad, it's simply different. What is good about it is learning temperance - forcing new neuropathways in the brain. Apparently, you can develop new brain cells right up to the end of life by learning new things - physical or otherwise - this idea is supported by docu-movies like "What the Bleep do we Know?" So, Erik in school (which is very intensive btw) and myself on the job hunt in a completely new place, is so good for our brains and hence, our longevity. What is difficult is leaving all of the people and things we DID love about our home of origin.

Which leads me to my final realization of the day: I learned how much I have affected those I love. Sometimes, it's been hard for me to know how much I am loved until I plan to leave and then those loved ones share their thoughts about how I have affected them. It's takes the decision from 'macro' to 'micro'. I am so much more grateful for Erik and what a special man he is and for my loved ones in Texas.

Signing off in BC,
AW